Showing posts with label happenings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happenings. Show all posts

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Our smart senas

Indian public seem to be the epitome of terror magnet. It is not infrequent that disciples of al-quaeda or jamat-ul-dawa descend upon india and get their jollies with desi men. Fond though they are of indian public; they are also conscious of the fact that there are others too in the market who also just can't have enough of us. So every now and then these foreign disciples go dormant for a while and leave the field open for other hunters. These others, who are mostly domestic elements, are usually members of groups which they reverentially refer to as sena. If one goes by their names - which almost always begin with the name of an indian deity - ram or shiv - then it isn't very hard to assume that they must be working for the betterment of common man. And, indeed they are or at-least they believe so!

These sena people, unlike foreign elements, subscribe to subtle means for delivering their messages. For instance, while foreign elements would explode a train or blow up a hotel or crash a plane to convey their message; these sena people would rather be content with austere approaches such as forcibly making their way into pubs and (mis)using batons against unarmed innocuous youngsters or even subtler, pushing unwary girls out of pubs and calling them names. While performing this heroic operation they ensure that there are multitude of sena people attacking few so as to maintain a healthy ratio. And, to top it off, they publicly claim that their act of bravery is aimed at preserving indian culture.

Another indian species who share aforementioned ideas can be found in the indian capital mumbai where some hooligans have made it their lifelong mission to wipe out all non-marathis of the state. To ensure a continual stay in the glamour they ensure frequent displays of their bravery which are on the similar lines of their brothers' acts recently committed in mangalore. While their attempts to grab media attention are frequent in major parts of the year; it was interesting to note that there wasn't a word from these fellers when a big hotel in their city was taken by terrorists for three days.

Now these recent activities by domestic elements, when freakonomic concepts applied to them, are actually helping india in getting rid of terrorism! How? Simple. The disguised motive of all these activities by sena people is actually to discourage terrorists by making them redundant. If sena keeps on persecuting our public, for sufficient period of time, like foreign terrorists do then this will eventually obviate the need for foreign contribution in this holy work. Ultimately, foreign elements' interest in india will wither away. Moreover, if there is enough skilled labour in our own country, then why would the import be a need anymore? Why do Microsoft and Oracle push for H1Bs? The same reason - lack of skilled labour in their country. These foreign terror organisations would inevitably then go bust with no further business opportunities. That will be the turning point in history of india when our senas will disclose what their actual motives were and will hopefully wind down their sacred operations. This global phenomenon of demand-and-supply has been very shrewdly observed by the architects of our desi senas and, to my surprise, they are effecting this change very bravely and glamorously. Mangalore incident should be an encouraging accomplishment for them. A framed certificate to be hung in their living rooms. And, for this out-of-the-box solution to terrorism, Muthalikji, much thanks!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Reliable Rumours

So yesterday the sensex rallied by 299 points. The most obvious reason behind this sharp surge as touted by Indian media was a rumour that ambani brothers were heading for an out-of-court settlement for their natural gas dispute. Quite an effective rumour that was. Considering the strong influence that rumours emanating from ambani brothers have on indian stock markets one would wonder how these rumours can be turned into panacea for all the pains that investors are enduring these tough days. If only rumours related to reconciliation between ambani brothers make the sensex leap by almost a couple of hundred points and in effect soar the wealth of millions, imagine what could be achieved by actual acts of fraternity performed by ambanis!

It hasn't been long since the horrendous scam in satyam was revealed and in a matter of few days a rumour (which was later denied by reliance industries) has eclipsed that actual fraud which is to the tune of 7000 crores and has propelled the stock market strikingly up. Part of this frenzy can be ascribed to the over-ambitious investors who took the rumour seriously. However, taking a sanguine view at the turn of events, shall we expect more rumours from ambanis to catapult the market up further? I mean, why not hope for a day when only rumours drive the stock market? In which case, by letting only positive rumours make their way to the media ambanis can ensure a significant surge in the not only their own wealth but also of the millions other who hold stocks in reliance companies. Could charity (which indeed begins at home in this case) get any better than this? But then why even keep this formula of wealth creation restricted to ambanis? The more the merrier. The best way going forward would be to encourage rumour-mongering by the chiefs of every blue chip company in india and consequently entirely avoiding the impact of health of balance sheets, cash flows and profit & loss accounts, on the price of any blue chip stock.

This practice will have favourable side effects too. For example, frauds similar to the one committed in satyam won't be able to erode the hard-earned wealth of thousands other innocent investors. Why? Because, in satyam's case erosion happened due to shaken investor confidence on account of cooked books. Now when the chiefs of blue chips will be rumour-mongering religiously the balance sheets and other relevant data will already have been rendered unimportant, useless and eclipsed by the power of rumours. Few would care about the stats and no dumping of stocks would happen in case of frauds thus preserving the value of investments.

Coming back to my original point of turning this practice of rumour-mongering into a cure-all for investors; why not go a step further and organise events which will have even deeper impact on the stock market? Say, for example, why not organise an event of gilli danda or khokho between ambani brothers and also invite mittals, tatas and other bigwigs to it? Imagine how this act of fraternity by top honchos, when properly packaged and delivered by media, would positively impact investor's sentiment in india while keeping all the petty balance sheet stats out of picture. Gosh, wealth creation was never so easy. Who said times are bad?!